


I've got hella feelings for you

by thatsabitgay



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game), Dumb Neil Josten, Fluff, Funny, M/M, Neil Josten Is an Idiot, Neil Josten loves Andrew Minyard, Oblivious Neil Josten, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25463365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsabitgay/pseuds/thatsabitgay
Summary: Neil leaned forward, lowering his voice this time. "I think I'm homophobic.""Yeah, buddy, I heard you. Me and the rest of campus." Matt was smiling at him like usual, but this time it was more reluctant. "Do you want to expand on that?""No."--After walking in on his roommate, Andrew Minyard, kissing a guy, Neil is convinced that he must be homophobic.He doesn't even stop to consider that perhaps he is instead jealous, and also a massive idiot.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 37
Kudos: 719





	I've got hella feelings for you

**Author's Note:**

> Based on that one article:
> 
> 'Straight guy worries he's being homophobic to gay roommate, realised he's fallen in love with him. Plot twist: Turns out I didn't have a problem with Alex kissing guys if it's me he's kissing'

"I think I'm homophobic." Neil announced.

It was Tuesday, midday, and Neil was sat in the Foxhole Café with Matt between classes. They'd been talking about their campus ID photos which made Neil think of Andrew's ID photo, which in turn just made him think of Andrew in general, eventually leading to the issue that had kept him up all of last night.

Matt glanced behind him at the student that had just entered the shop when Neil had spoken, shooting the auburn haired boy a glare before continuing to the counter to order. Then he turned his gaze back to Neil, eyebrows raised.

Neil leaned forward, lowering his voice this time. "I think I'm homophobic."

"Yeah, buddy, I heard you. Me and the rest of campus." Matt was smiling at him like usual, but this time it was more reluctant. "Do you want to expand on that?"

"No." At the fixed look sent his way, Neil let out a groan. "Fine. It's just- You know my roommate?"

"Five foot, blonde, incredibly scary, usually seen wherever you are? Perhaps."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Boyd."

Matt let out a gasp, "You did not just last-name me."

"So, Andrew-"

"Yes, we'll just ignore my hurt feelings to continue talking about your roommate, go ahead."

"Thank you. Anyway, Andrew's gay, right? And I thought I was okay with that. But I actually saw him...in the act...for the first time."

Matt pulled a face, "You walked in on him having homosexual intercourse?"

"Why did you word it like that?! No!" Neil shook his head, "One of my classes were cancelled so I went back to our dorm for a while and he was on the sofa holding down this guy as he-" Neil grimaced. "They were _kissing_."

"The horror." Matt deadpanned. 

Neil fixed him with one of his more practiced bitch-faces and waited for him to apologise before continuing. "So, this guy is lay across the sofa, across my side too! Like, the audacity! And Andrew is lay on top of him, kinda."

"Kinda?"

"Well they weren't actually touching. Andrew was holding himself off him, one hand beside his head and the other holding the guy's hands above his head. And he was kissing him but like...not even on the lips. Just kissing his jaw or neck or whatever."

"So they weren't actually kissing?"

"Well, Andrew was kissing him." Neil rolled his eyes. "I just kind froze for a second but Andrew pulled away quick enough and looked at me all wide-eyed."

"Not emotionless?" Matt questioned, doubtful.

"No! Like, I don't know who this guy is but he can change Andrew's whole apathetic thing going on? He has the audacity to jeopardise his street cred like that?"

"Please stop saying 'audacity' and never, ever say 'street cred' unironically ever again." 

Neil ignored him and continued. "Now, this is the part where a normal, accepting of the entire LGBTQ plus community, open-minded guy would just...leave the room? Text Andrew to let him know when it's safe to come-back? Make a jokey-comment? Laugh it off?"

"All very common reactions." Matt smiled and nodded "Which did you do?"

"I left the room."

Matt approved, "Very good." 

"But first-"

"Oh no."

"-I felt this feeling bubbling up inside me as strong as something like anger or disgust-"

"Okay, but _was_ it anger or disgust?"

Neil paused and thought about it before shrugging. "I don't know, I just presumed it was."

"Did you say anything to him?"

"Before I ran out of the room and then went on a ten mile run?"

"Ye- wait you went on a ten mile run?"

Neil dismissed that comment with a wave of his hand "I said 'okay then' before I left. Then I crashed at Allison's dorm so I haven't seen him since."

"And this was yesterday morning?"

"Yeah..."

Matt collapsed back in his chair and surveyed Neil as though he'd just turned up with an entirely new identity and look. "So, how do you know you're homophobic?"

"All I _know_ is that the thought of Andrew kissing that...guy..." he said the word like it was a curse, "Or even any other guy, for that matter, makes me sick to the stomach."

"So you crashed at Allison's place?"

"Yes."

"Because she has a spare bed?"

"Yes."

"Because her roommate usually sleeps in Allison's own bed?"

"Yes."

"Because they're both dating?"

"Yes, Matt."

"Because they're lesbians?"

"Yes. Wait-"

\--

Andrew was lay across the sofa in the exact same way that stranger had been last time Neil entered their dorm room. The thought made Neil want to punch something. Perhaps, if Andrew wasn't absent-mindedly twisting a knife in his hands, then Neil would aim that punch at Andrew, right at his pretty, freckled face.

Yes. Definitely homophobic.

Neil wanted to avoid coming back to the dorm for as long as possible but it's not like he could sleep in Renee and Allison's dorm again. It wouldn't be fair to them, what with him being a closeted homophobe and all.

Apart from fairly quickly tucking the knife down the back of the sofa (he wasn't wearing his armbands), aware of Neil's long-lasting dislike for them, Andrew didn't acknowledge his presence.

Neil walked over to the beds. The dorm rooms in the building Neil had payed to be accommodated in were tiny (unlike the luxorious dorm room Allison had played for - and also payed for Renee to stay in so they could share). It had enough room for the set of bunk beds on the right of the door against the wall. The two desks, pressed together under the window. The television on the same wall as the bunkbeds, but on the left of the door. The small sofa opposite the television. The door to the en-suite bathroom between the beds and the desks. They didn't have a kitchen, forced to eat in the cafeteria or at the campus diners and cafes.

Although Neil spent lunch with the multiple friends he'd somehow required against his will (Monday was Dan, Tuesday was Matt, Wednesday was Allison, Thursday was Dan and Matt, Friday was Renee, weekends were inter-changable), every lunch and breakfast Neil spent with Andrew. He'd never missed one (apart from the time he overslept and Andrew didn't bother waking him up) until now. He'd missed last night's dinner and this morning's breakfast with him. 

He placed his bag on the bottom bunk, kicking his shoes under the bed and pulling off his jacket, draping it over the ladder. Then he turned around, falling backwards onto the bed and letting out a long sigh. He closed his eyes and folded his arms over his face.

It was then that he heard shuffling to his left and then seconds later when he heard deliberately audible footsteps approaching the bedroom area. They moved around the space for a few minutes before silencing. Neil opened his eyes and moved his arms up so he could see.

Andrew was stood directly in front of him, staring down at him. Neil noticed that his jacket was missing from the ladders and his bag was now sat on his desk. His shoes were probably neat now too.

"Hello," Neil greeted, but Andrew's glare just intensified. "Look, I'm sorry I skipped dinner."

"And breakfast." He replied, monotonous.

Neil rolled his eyes, "Yes, and breakfast. I should've text you. Forgive me?"

Andrew didn't reply, just folded his arms.

"I'll get you a tub of ice cream."

"Ben and Jerry's."

Neil nodded, "Chocolate fudge brownie."

Andrew thought it over before nodding. "Deal." As usual, he held out his hand and so Neil sat up to shake on it. Before letting him go, Andrew made sure to squeeze his hand, hard, until Neil let out a wince and managed to snatch it back.

"Ouch. Asshole." 

Andrew smirked at that, a rare show of emotion. Which reminded Neil of the show of emotion Andrew displayed yesterday when Neil walked in on him lay on top of that guy. This reminded Neil that he is homophobic. 

"What."

It wasn't a question. Neil met Andrew's eyes again, not even sure where they'd drifted off to, and raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"What's going on?" Andrew asked this time moving to sit beside Neil on his bed, facing his side, crossing his legs. Neil didn't turn to face him, instead keeping his eyes on the window opposite him. After a moment of silence Andrew spoke again. "Is this because of yesterday?"

"Is _what_ because of yesterday?" Neil asked, defensively.

"You're being weird. More so than usual."

Neil scoffed.

"I didn't expect you to be back otherwise Roland wouldn't have been here."

So it had a name.

Andrew continued in the same fact-stating, monotonous voice. "I know that kind of stuff makes you uncomfortable because you're ace aro and I wouldn't have put you in that position if I could have helped it. From now on you should text me if you're coming back early and I'll kick him out. Or, if you prefer, I'll never bring anyone back and I'll find elsewhere to..." It was when he trailed off that Neil turned to look at him. Andrew was already watching him and something unsettled in his stomach. "I'm sorry."

\--

"He apologised?" Allison spluttered. 

"Yep."

"Andrew? Minyard? Apologised? To you?"

Neil let out an exasperated sigh as he nodded.

"Why would he apologised to you if you're the homophobic one?"

"Well I didn't _tell_ him that." Neil rolled his eyes. "He thinks I had a problem with it because I'm asexual aromantic. But anyway, the real reason I met up for lunch with you was to-"

"You always meet up with me on a Wednesday." Allison pointed out before surrending at the glare he shot her.

"As I was saying. The reason I met up with you was to let you know that I take no offense in the fact that you no longer want to be friends with me. I don't want to be friends with me either."

"Okay, babe, number one." Allison rolled her eyes as she studied her newly-done nails. "You never want to be friends with anyone so that's really not surprising. Number two, why would I not want to be friends with you?"

"Because I'm homophobic. And even if you weren't bisexual, you still should not be friends with a homophobe."

"Honey, you're not a homophobe," Allison said, matter-of-factly before raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Have you thought that perhaps there's another reason for your disliking of Andrew kissing that guy?"

"Pfft, like what?"

Allison's left eyebrow raised to join the other. "Just...just think about it. Okay?"

\--

Neil thought about it that same night. He thought about it as he sat opposite Andrew in the diner.

He always loved their evening meals. They usually went to the same diner and sat at the same table where Neil was able to see all the exits and Andrew was able to stare out of the window when he needed a distraction. There was also the benefit of watching the way that the sunset made Andrew's hair glow and his freckles stand out. Neil had always found Andrew beautiful.

Aesthetically, of course.

"Staring," Andrew muttered, eyes still on the menu that was hiding half of his face from Neil.

When Neil didn't reply Andrew let out a deliberate sigh as he slowly put down his menu, making sure that Neil knew how much of a hindrance to life in general Neil's existence was. He reached over and grabbed Neil's wrist, opening up his hand as he picked up the other menu and pushed it into his grip. Then he used Neil's own hand to slap the menu into his face.

Neil laughed and pulled it away, to find Andrew looking back at his own menu. "I'm just getting a drink."

Andrew looked over at him with a hooded gaze. "For dinner?"

Neil hummed in approval and averted his gaze to the waitress that approached, smiling at her to make up for the death-threatening glare Andrew was sure to shoot her way once he noticed who she was. "Hey, Kaitlyn."

"Hi, Neil. Andrew," She added, less confidently. "What can I get you?"

Andrew rolled off his order, Neil adding in his smoothie. Before she left though, Andrew added onto Neil's order with an 'he will also have-' .

Kaitlyn didn't check with Neil, obviously not wanting to go against what Andrew said and so Neil rolled his eyes once she left.

"You should give the girl a break."

Andrew shifted a blank stare at him. "I didn't pull a knife on her this time."

"Yes, and I'm very proud. But maybe tone down the death-stares?" Neil asked.

Andrew turned the glare onto him now, but when Kaitlyn returned later on with their meals, he didn't look at her at all which was infinitely better.

Neil picked at his fries, not paying attention really as he instead stared out the window thinking about what Allison said earlier. What other reason could there be that the thought of Andrew kissing a guy makes him feel this way?

No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't figure it out.

"Neil."

Neil slowly looked at Andrew, but it took a few more seconds before his mind caught up and his eyes fully focused on the boy in front of him. "Hi."

Andrew gave him an unamused look before throwing a fry at him. "Are you going to tell me what the fuck's going on with you?"

Neil frowned and shook his head, before looking back out the window instead of replying. When Andrew realised he wasn't getting a reply, he stood up from the table, pulling his jacket on. Neil did the same and waited as Andrew payed, since it was his turn, before following him outside.

Andrew didn't mention it again that night.

\--

"Andrew is avoiding me." 

He was back in the same café for lunch, Dan and Matt sat side by side opposite him.

"How do you know?" Dan asked.

"Well, he skipped breakfast this morning. He never skips our breakfasts. But he was gone when I woke up and when I went back earlier when I had a free hour he wasn't there. Usually we use that hour to study together. He's avoiding me. And he hasn't spoken to me since last night."

Matt's eyes widened, "How could anyone resist extra time with you?"

"Did anything happen yesterday that could have caused this?" Dan questioned.

"You didn't tell him that you're homophobic, did you?"

"No, Matt. And I don't know, Dan. I mean, we had dinner together but I was kind of zoned out, I guess. I was thinking about what Allison told me at lunch. About how I'm not homophobic and there's another reason for me hating the thought of Andrew kissing a guy. She's wrong though. I thought about it like she said and I really am just homophobic." 

Matt and Dan simultaneously rolled their eyes.

"That was creepy."

"Neil...just consider something for me, okay?" Dan said, gently. "Imagine that scenario again." She ignored his grimace. "But instead of that guy being under Andrew, it was instead a girl."

"Andrew's gay." Neil pointed out.

"Yes, but just imagine it, yeah? How does it make you feel?"

Neil thought about it. Andrew lay across the sofa above a girl-version of asshole-Roland. The strong feelings twisted at the bottom of his stomach once again. What had he decided they were? Disgust?

"I...feel the same?" Neil suggested.

Matt grinned, whilst Dan let out a sigh of relief. "See? So it's nothing to do with Andrew kissing a guy! You're not homophobic. It's just the thought of Andrew kissing _anyone_."

"So I'm...Andrewphobic?"

"Honey," Matt frowned, "No." He looked to Dan and they shared a look, seemingly having a conversation between themselves without words. Finally, they made a decision and Dan leaned forward across the table, lowering her voice.

"Neil. I want you to imagine the scenario again."

Neil let out a groan which she quickly interrupted.

"Last one, I promise! Just imagine Andrew lay on the sofa but instead of that guy, or that imaginary girl...imagine it's you."

Neil immediately dismissed the idea, "I'm asexual. And aromantic. I can't."

"Okay, and that's fine." Dan smiled kindly. "But...it's just that Allison and I told you about those sexualities and how they could possibly fit for you but that doesn't mean you have to stick with them. If you need a label for yourself, there may be more suitable ones. I'm just asking you to consider this possibility."

"What possibility?" Neil asked, confused.

"The possibility of you liking Andrew. Or possibly...being in love with him?"

Neil's breath caught in his throat and the world tilted askew. "Holy shit."

He thought about it. About all the times he'd sat with Andrew on the tiny sofa, trying to sit as close as possible without overstepping a boundary. About the time he thought he'd seen one of his father's old accomplices and had a panic attack in the hallway and Andrew had come out of nowhere and acted as the only person that could calm him down. About the time he'd stayed up all night because Andrew had had a bad day and he knew that could mean he'd have a nightmare that night and he wanted to be there for him. About the times he'd been caught staring as he tried to count the dim freckles on his face. About the times he'd found himself lost in a sea of hazel before being found by a fleeting touch.

Neil imagined it. Andrew lay across the sofa, but with Neil underneath him, instead of Roland or some girl.

"I'm in love with Andrew?!"

Matt and Dan were grinning when he looked back at them, as though waiting for this reveal for quite some time. "We know, buddy," Matt smiled, sympathetically.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" 

\--

Neil was sat at the centre of the sofa, staring at the television even though it was off as he bounced his leg up and down with nerves. 

It was early hours of the morning and Andrew still wasn't back. Neil hadn't seen him all day.

He thought about the possibility that Andrew was with Roland right now. Or perhaps some other guy. That familiar emotion came back. It wasn't anger or disgust. Neil recognised it as something else now. Hurt, jealously, longing.

The door opened and Neil immediately looked up. He caught the fleeting traces of emotion on Andrew's face as he hesitated in the doorway before fully schooling it and continuing to walk into the room, turning his back on Neil to close the door and lock it. He then walked to the bedroom. It took a few minutes before Neil realised that Andrew was planning to go straight to bed without even acknowledging him.

"Andrew."

The smaller boy stopped his retreat to his bed and turned to look at Neil, as apathetic as ever.

"Have you eaten?" Neil asked with lack of anything else to say.

Andrew nodded. "Have you?"

Neil ignored the question. "Did I do something?" Neil noticed Andrew's jaw tighten but he didn't reply. "I mean..." Neil stood up and walked over to where Andrew was stood in the space between the desks and the bunk. He left about a metre between them as to not overstep Andrew's firm boundaries. "You've been avoiding me."

"You've been acting weird around me." Andrew said, voice as bored as ever. "You said you didn't want to talk to be about it so I backed off."

"This isn't backing off. This is...disappearing! Just because I didn't want to talk about it doesn't mean that I didn't want to see you at all. I mean...what the fuck, Andrew?"

Andrew slowly looked away from Neil, instead staring at the desks to his right (where Neil had still not cleaned up all of his mess from studying earlier) as though the discarded pens and notebooks were much more interesting than the current conversation. "I don't know how to stop you from being uncomfortable around me if I don't know what's wrong. I'm not going to push you to tell me, but I'm not going to risk making you uncomfortable further." 

Neil frowned in confusion, "I'm not uncomfortable around you."

"Ever since you walked in on me and Roland yesterday you've been weird."

"Not because you make me uncomfortable."

"Then-" Andrew cut himself off. It took a few seconds before Neil realised he was going to ask what was going on before remembering that Neil said he didn't want to talk about it. They were at a standstill.

"I'll..." Neil trailed off but when Andrew looked at him again, stare heavy as always, he continued. "I'll talk about it. I'll tell you."

Andrew's stare turned to a glare now, quickly switching to anger. "You don't owe me anything."

"Of course not. I was going to tell you at dinner but..." Neil moved around Andrew to sit on the bottom bunk, shuffling so that his back was against the wall. After a few moments, Andrew joined him, leaving an inch of space between their bodies. Neil found that it would be easier to tell Andrew this whilst not sharing eye contact and so was grateful for the position, but he still closed his eyes for good measure. "I like you."

When no reply followed, Neil continued.

"I think I have for a while and I just didn't recognise it. I mean... it was seeing you with that guy that made me realise. Well, at first I was worried that I might be homophobic but now I'm thinking that maybe I wouldn't have a problem with you kissing a guy if the guy you were kissing was me..."

The silence that followed was unsettling, and so Neil opened his eyes to look to his right, even though seeing Andrew's face probably wouldn't help with his apathetic nature.

At least that's what Neil thought. However, when Neil turned to find Andrew already looking at him, he was surprised to find that although Andrew appeared expressionless as usual, his eyebrows were drawn in and his eyes were a little wider than usual. 

Andrew sat up so he was no longer against the wall and turned to Neil, crossing his legs. Neil mimicked the action so that they were sat face to face.

Andrew slowly reached a hand across to touch Neil's face, thumb slowly tracing across old scars that he had learned the stories to during their time rooming together over the last year and a half. "You told me that you're aromantic."

Neil focused on the hazel swirl in his eyes and the tingling sensation from gentle but firm fingertips. "I was wrong."

"Asexual?"

"I don't know. All I know is that...I look at you the way I've never looked at anyone else before. I want to do things with you that I've never wanted to do with anyone else before. I feel things for you that I've never felt for anyone else before."

"Yes, or no?" Andrew asked.

Neil absent-mindedly leant forward slightly as he replied in a whisper. "Yes."

After searching his face for any trace of a lie, Andrew leant forward, giving him a chance to change his mind.

And then they were kissing, and Neil was one hundred percent sure that he isn't homophobic (or Andrewphobic).

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on instagram:
> 
> @snowbazstories  
> @foxesoncrack


End file.
